Counting Down the Years

11
I tried to commit suicide for the first time, and multiple times after that;
First with suffocation, then by trying to cut my veins, and overdosing on pills.
It wasn’t too long ago when I put a gun up to my head, only to hide it when I heard my parents coming.


10
I started cutting, starting with the thin tip of a needle, now with the sharp edge of a knife blade.
I liked to watch the blood form in tiny droplets, until they streamed down my arms and stained my bed sheets.

9
My mother and father got into a fight last night, my dad was drunk and my mom was angry. Punches and kicks were exchanged in a fleet of intoxicated fury.
This is normal for me. But they still act like I don’t know

8
My parents gave me death threats. My mom said “I wish you were never born.” And my dad said, “I want to kill you sometimes.”
I tolerated it.

7
I realized that I didn’t believe in God. Going to church is pointless; there was nothing up there that seemed to say, “I’m here for you.” And I realized that there never was.

6
I kept being violent. I scratched, I kicked, I punched, and I bit. Everyone made me mad, it was their entire fault. They teased me and messed with me, and when I snapped, the teacher always said to ignore them then they would give me a write up. I don’t understand why.

5
I made a kid cry today. He made me mad so I scratched him until he bled. I was suspended and it wasn’t fair, he was the reason I was angry. It should’ve been his fault. My parents hit me, I cried too.

4
I accidentally broke something. My parents found out after a while and started to yell at me. I kept saying that I was sorry and that it would never happen again.
They kept yelling

3
My dad keeps acting funny; he started drinking this dark juice. It’s a weird colour and it smells bad. My mom always yells at him when he drinks the funny liquid. I think that’s why he’s acting different.


2
I told my parents that I wanted to be just like them. They were my all, and my everything. I loved them to the end of the world.


1
I was born; my mother paid close attention to me, tending to my needs and rocking me to sleep every night. My father always kisses the top of my head goodnight after he came back from work.

0
I was still in my mother’s stomach, waiting what was outside for me. Little did I know that the world was dead and cruel. Criminals and robbers. Murderers and Pedophiles. Rapists and Bombers. Terrorists and Abusers. That was all that made up this world.